Rocks Cry Out, Again

I heard a talk show host comment on his program today: “If you are a senior, one of the greatest things you can do, is to ‘share your wisdom.’

Years ago, I was the Counseling Director on the staff of a local church. I had a ministerial license from the Bible School I had attended, and I did only spiritual counseling, not psychological or therapeutic. Over a period of several years, I witnessed much abuse in marriages. However, the most grievous abuse that I observed was that which was at the hand of well-meaning people, all in the name of “what God wants.”

This is not an area where I have any personal “ax to grind.” I was married once and widowed. Years ago.

The issue that prompted this writing is that once again, I am observing and being asked to pray regarding the divorce proceedings of a couple going to court…once again…today. It is a situation where a lovely and faithful wife of around 20 years is being legally threatened and browbeaten by a husband who has verbally, psychologically and somewhat physically abused her for their whole married life. He is pompous and pious outwardly, and has drug her to several church counselors who admonished HER to be a submissive wife, and in essence, told her she had no legitimate right, in God’s eyes, to separate from him. They have four teenage children, two of which are severely handicapped. He remains in the family home; she and the children were the ones who eventually found another place to live. The children are afraid of being with him. Now he is trying to get her declared an unfit mother, and is placing demands that would rob her of many things that are rightfully hers, including custodial care. Hopefully the court will have wisdom and make right decisions. But the most heartbreaking fact to me, is that she has been counseled to remain in this destructive situation for many years, and felt that God would not approve of her doing otherwise.

These are my thoughts, which I wrote in an email to a mutual friend this morning who had asked me to be in prayer.

“I almost couldn’t go to sleep last night thinking about several messed up marriages with husbands that are destroying the lives of their families. As Christian women, we have been so misguided, all in the name of “what God wants.” It has destroyed not only the well-being of the wife, but it has produced children who have scars that last a lifetime. I believe that THIS is exactly what God meant when he spoke through the prophet Malachi, and said “I hate divorce”. Because he told WHY He hated divorce. Here it is:

“Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. "For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the LORD, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless."

In the New Testament we learn further that a man is to love his wife as Christ loves the church, and as his own body. And that he DOES NO HARM TO HIS OWN BODY. Christ loved the church with the type of sacrificial love that laid down his own life. He did not selfishly seek his OWN RIGHTS. He said, “Not my will, but yours be done” to his Father, whose will was that he “die for the church”. He loved the world, but He DIED for the church. His Body. His Bride. This is to be a picture of the husband and wife relationship. He is not to seek his own benefits, his own way, his own rights. He is to lay down his life for HER. Anything other than that is not Godly. The husband is commanded to do NO HARM to the wife.

In the Malachi scripture, there is a lot of meaning in the word “FAITHLESS”. It does not simply mean that he commits adultery. That is far too simplistic. That is always the result of a true faithlessness in more personal areas of the heart. The sexual involvement is a result, not a cause. Faithfulness is in how you treat your wife. It is in how you love her. It is in how you HONOR her.

Any man, or pastor, or church…who commands a woman to be “Christian” and submit and pray for a husband who has already been dishonorable, unloving, unfaithful, and has broken the covenant of laying down his life for his wife…is not only WRONG, but does not correctly understand what Christianity, marriage and the heart of God are all about.

God is not legalistic. WE ARE.”

I so often think of how Jesus went out of his way…into almost dangerous territory (Palestinian territory now)…to go into a heathen land, among religiously “half-breed” people, to meet a woman whom he knew would be in a certain place at a certain time, (because she was SOCIALLY UNACCEPTABLE ) and in doing so, He became socially unacceptable (Jews didn’t deal with heathen women…or even men with women at all, as he did in this circumstance)…and she had been through only God knows what in her life. No woman is married five times unless she has been through a lot of rejection and personal hell…and Jesus did not even mention her marriages, except to reveal to her that he was a true prophet. Otherwise, he didn’t throw them up in her face. He went there for two primary reasons. He knew the true hunger of her heart and went out of his way to meet it. And the result was that she became the first evangelist in the history of Christianity. (John 4, N.T.)

The point of this is that the church, so many times, has not portrayed the heart of God in what we have done to people in destructive marriages.

And that... is what God really hates.

---

Note 1: All uses of the word “church” make no reference to any individual denomination or local congregation. This is the Greek “Ecclesia”; or the general body of Christian believers within the Church.

Note 2: I am very aware of Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 19, and Paul’s. That is another subject for another essay. I can write more on that later if anyone wants me to.

Note: 3: This is not written without awareness of the “shoe often being on the other foot” with the wife being the problem, not the husband. But that is not the issue at hand in this instance.

Letter to a Friend

I would not be so presumptuous as to speak spiritual platitudes to you at a time like this. You are going through a terrible season. The kind of season that puts things into perspective. Like we fuss and fume about the small irritations of life that happen day by day, and then we or someone in the family gets a threatening diagnosis, and suddenly we realize what the "small things" really are. We learn what it really means to "not sweat the small stuff". Because we can't deal with everything. And I guess, that is all I can say. Don't try to deal with everything. Don't take on the future when it isn't here yet. (That IS a spiritual principle, isn't it…Matt. 6:34) God is giving you enough strength for the very day...the moment…you are in as it comes. Not for the future. Try to live in the day at hand.

I was going through something a while back and I found that if I seized the moment and focused on it, and said to myself, "Today, I am alive!" And became still enough to open my eyes and heart and "see" that moment in time, that it brought me a space of peace. It had to be repeated over and over. But borrowing tomorrow's pain and grief ahead of time, just makes us suffer twice. You can only handle "now".

It is horrible to see others in such need and grief all around you. The three worst things we go through over and over in life are loss, insecurity and change. Change that leaves us having to take new unknown directions. All of these produce fear. And fear is our enemy.

Just try to live life in "now" bites and draw your strength from God. Don't take on ANYTHING unnecessary regarding Christmas, housekeeping, etc. Don't sweat the small things.

Your family needs your strength just now. Don't waste it on the unnecessary. When you feel yourself sinking, choose to switch your mind to some small thing you can be thankful for and speak it out.

And guard your mind with all diligence. It is not what we have to do that robs us of our strength and peace; it is what we "think" about what we have to do.

Most of all, don't allow yourself to sink too far down into sadness and depression. I was doing that once and I felt the Lord say to me, "Marcia, climb or die." And I knew it was not a threat, but a warning…to not let myself sink too deeply.

There is a strong hand reaching down to you. Hang on. I will be hanging on with you in prayer.

And That's the Rest of the Story

Some of you know that I occasionally write satire. I mention this because, in the past, when I have done so, there are always one or two readers who get all upset and feel the need to defend the subject at hand (i.e.: Whole Foods, State of California, etal.)

This is somewhat satirical. But it is based on fact. And it explains one of the main issues of unrest in the world today. Now, I know a lot of my readers already are familiar with this, but for those who are not…and for any of your friends who are not…you may want to print this out and share it with them. It is a “light” treatment of a very heavy subject. And it is an issue, which you WILL be affected by, sooner or later. I promise you. So you need to know what the heck it is all about.

Oh, and whether or not you personally believe the “God” part of the story is a moot issue. Because I guarantee you, the peoples involved in this conflict certainly do. And now for the rest of the story…

It is a family squabble. It is all about cousins who hate each other. They have been fighting over the family inheritance for thousands of years. Perhaps if Abraham had listened to his financial advisors and drawn up a Living Trust, this might have not ever escalated to the point it has. But he didn’t, and it has.

Oh, it probably would have, anyway.

As the story goes, about 4,000 years ago, give or take a few, God chose a polytheistic man, living in Mesopotamia, to come away from his homeland to “a place that (God) would show him." Enroute, Abram would be taught all about this God, and be given a geographical inheritance. The “call” included the fact that “all the world would be blessed through him.” So he took his wife Sarai and his father, nephew, and a whole entourage and set out. His father, (who made idols for the locals to worship) probably didn’t buy the whole story that much, fooled around and took too long to keep going, stayed in one spot so long that he died there. (By the way, his name Terah, meant “delay”.)

Anyway, I won’t go into the unnecessary details of the long trip, but suffice it to say that God promised Abram that he would have as many descendents as the sands of the sea and the stars in the sky. And… (this is where the whole world comes in) …that “those who bless this “family” (nation) of people, would BE blessed, and those who didn’t…well, you don’t want to be on that side.

Now the problem was, that for some reason, Sarah couldn’t get pregnant.

God kept promising. They kept waiting. And when a woman gets close to her eighties, she begins to laugh at the whole thing. Sure.

So (somehow she recognized that this was HER problem and not his) Sarai began to try to think of a way to “fulfill God’s promise”. (ALWAYS a dangerous path.)

In those days, if there were no natural heirs in the household, certain devoted servants could become the heirs. Anyway, Sarai “loaned” her maidservant to Abraham to provide a way for God to fulfill His promise.

Now just as an aside, Abram seemed to have a way of...shall we say…giving in to whatever Sarai wanted. Because the maidservant became pregnant immediately, and then at one point had an attitude problem, and Sarai had Abram run her out of the camp. When pregnant, mind you!

God was watching over the whole thing and sent her back. She had a son, named him Ishmael, and God gave promises concerning the fact that he would also have nations in his lineage.

Abram loved this kid. He doted upon him, and when God made special covenant with Abram, Ishmael was part of the household. Abram wanted him to be the main heir.

There was only one problem…a pretty big one. God had promised a son to Abraham and Sarah (their names changed with the Covenant). And God had said that it was through that son that the inheritance would flow. (Can’t blame God that they couldn’t wait for his promise.)

So, when at 90 Sarah finally had her son, they pitched a big party, Ishmael felt rejected (which he was), did some things that riled Sarah up and she did what she had a tendency to do. She was all over Abraham for having this first “child” (‘Scuse me…whose idea was it to begin with?)…and wants Ishmael and his mom to be run off the property again.

Abraham’s heart was broken, but he did as she wanted. Once again God “met” the two out in the Negev just as they were at death’s door, God shows them a well in the desert and makes further promises about Ishmael becoming a nation of hunters who would live out in the desert.

But the land that God had mapped out for the descendants of Isaac, later to become known as Israelites (after Isaac’s son’s name), was pretty well defined. It became known to them as “the promised land”.

You can probably figure out the rest of the story. The only time we know of, that the two brothers came together in agreement was when Abraham died. They both loved him a whole lot.

And they still do. They just hate each other. Now we know them as the Palestinians and the Jews. They are still fighting over the inheritance.

I guess, in a sense, Abraham did have a Living Trust. It was God’s promise to him. And it still stands, boundaries and all, to the descendants of the child of promise. And there is plenty for all. But they want the same thing.



Epilogue: This whole scenario tends to make one feel sorry for the “Ishmaelites” (Palestinians). Understandably so.

But remember that God made specific promises. And human intervention jumped the gun. God did not change His plans, but has provided for all and cares for all. But down through history, this struggle has continued. Only God can sort it out. And He will.

But that is another story.

A Letter to My Granddaughter

Dear Johnnie Lynne…Brandy mentioned that you were worried about Global Warming. I would like to put your little mind at rest a bit.

You wouldn’t know this, but in the late 1980’s there was a much publicized book entitled “The Coming Ice Age”. It was written based on scientific facts and studies, and for a few brief years had everyone preparing to be suddenly thrown into an Arctic lifestyle.

Crops would be impossible in areas now farmed, some animals would become extinct; certain cities would be uninhabitable, and life would change dramatically.

I don’t even remember what happened to all that, but it died out. Then scientists began to discover the problems with the Ozone layer, they began to put 2 and 2 together and now we have this incredibly frightening hypothesis being promulgated in all areas…especially in academia…so that little kids don’t have any other thing to base their thoughts on, regarding climate change.

I predict that this will “blow over” (that’s a pun) in a few years or a couple of decades at most. Something else seemingly scary, will take its place.

Many other scientists are saying these other things already: Global Warming comes in cycles. The earth has had periods of warming and cooling since the onset of time. The Ozone Layer has been decreasing for hundreds, if not thousands, of years. It is an on-going process. We are in a very warm climatic period right now. (One might also notice that we have just had one of the most severely cold winters on record in many parts of the world.)

We constantly hear about air pollution. Johnnie, even I can remember when air pollution was a hundred times worse than it is now. The main thing we have polluting the air today is gasoline emission. A hundred years ago, all homes were heated by coal and wood burning fires. All factories around the world belched out black smoke and soot from tall smokestacks in abundance. Large cities were places where many people developed lung disease. They had places called “sanitariums” where they would isolate people to treat their lung conditions. Many people moved to places like Arizona, New Mexico…not just to retire…but in order to breathe clean air.

When I was a kid, we burned all our autumn leaves in bonfires in the street (and it was great fun, by the way.) But it made a lotta (good smelling) smoke in the fall. This is prohibited by law now.

When we first moved into the Los Angeles area, the DAILY smog (some days worse than others) was so thick and odorous that you couldn’t see the surrounding mountains when you got within about a hundred miles outside of L.A. On the worst days, (and few were good days…only when the winds were blowing) kids could not play outside. Even at school. The smog would burn your eyes and nose and make you cough.

Since then, we have developed excellent legislation against excessive exhaust emissions. Coal, oil, and wood burning fuels (among others, kerosene, etc.) have been replaced by hydroelectricity; solar generators and clean energy producing systems. The air in our cities is a thousand times better. Large cities such as London, Pittsburgh, Paris …and many others…are a far better place to live than they were a century ago.

We have problems with our trash and rubbish disposal sites, which need improvement. And we are working on all these. But a hundred years ago, people just either burned their own trash or at times threw it out into the streets. Some towns would have it carried off to a “city dump” where it piled up out in the countryside somewhere. Now we have “landfills” and cover them with good topsoil.

So as a matter of fact, things are much better; not worse. But some folk have an agenda. Sometimes it is a political agenda; sometimes a financial agenda. And for some, it is an ideology.

The bottom line is this. All your life, there will be one big scary thing after another. Do you remember the Y2K scare? (Well, probably not. You were about five years old then.)

All the computers in the world were supposed to malfunction because they supposedly did not go beyond the year 1999 in their programming. They would not work correctly when the year 2000 rolled around, and the whole world held its collective breath to see what would happen at the stroke of midnight….even fearing that airplanes (which run by computers) were going to crash. At first, I thought it was a joke, but when so many people took it seriously; started stockpiling food, batteries and other necessary things; ministers started preaching to their congregations to be prepared…. on and on…. we all got a bit caught up in it.

Nothing happened. NOTHING.

Just always remember: Although we see so much evil and craziness, ultimately God has never let go of the controls of the universe. There is a verse in the Bible that says that He made all things and by Him all things are (still) held together. He is that undiscoverable “energy” that holds all the molecules and atoms of this world together to keep it from flying apart. And He will keep the earth’s ecology balanced, until He is ready to let go. And when that happens, I don’t want to be here anyway. There will be a better place to be.

Don’t be scared. My step dad would have said, “Marcia, this is just a ripple in the stream.” And I am sure he would have been right.

Interpreting Dreams

A friend of mine wrote about an intense dream, which had awakened her during the night and had left her troubled. She openly asked if anyone could understand its meaning. The following was a reply I sent to her.

“I am no interpreter of dreams. But I have a theory that there are various kinds of dreams. There are (rarely) those dreams where God speaks to us about something…like in Daniel and Joseph’s stories in the Bible. I am not sure that I have ever had one of those, and frankly I don’t think I would want to.

But I think that perhaps there is a level of our “self” that almost enters another dimension when we let go in sleep. It is a dimension of ourselves which we are not really in touch with, while awake. And in this dimension we are constantly trying to work out unresolved issues, either from the present or the past in our lives. Mostly it all seems mixed together, because in the spirit there really is no “time” as we know it. It is all a present “now”. So these dreams are trying to help us resolve things. I think these make up the vast majority of dreaming.

Then there are the dreams of things we are afraid of. These are probably areas we need to take to God and deal with the fears in order to try to find the reason/solution and rid ourselves of these fears.

Regarding the “time” thing mentioned above…it is really nothing weird. In fact, it is very scientific. One of the discoveries of Einstein’s work regarding “Relativity” proved that if we go faster than the speed of light, there is no time. It is an eternal “now”. (The spirit realm is in that “now”.) That is why God says He “knows the end from the beginning”, and He calls Himself the “I AM”, or “the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end.”. It is as though we were in this great “book (like a biography) of time which is sequential from our vantage point, but God is the reader…outside the book so to speak. A reader can open the book at any place and see what happens at that place. God is able to do that with all of known history. Does that mean He “causes” all of our personal decisions to happen in certain ways? I don’t think so. Because too many things have happened, throughout our lives, that displeased Him and have broken His laws. But He is able to see it all as an ever present “now”.

When we enter that “no time zone” to any degree in our dreams, it all gets jumbled together. And we can find ourselves trying to resolve unresolved issues and relationships.”

She then expressed how she sometimes wonders if God is not trying to prepare her for the possibility that “her time here is shorter than (she) thinks.”

I replied: “I wouldn’t dwell on that. I think this is one of your fears. And I don’t see anything in your dream of last night that would indicate that. I think it is “unfinished business” and a feeling that you are in situations where you are out of control. From what I know of you, you seem to be a person who truly wants to be in control of her own life as much as is possible. (There is nothing wrong with that) So this “out of control” feeling is terrifying to you. Perhaps these particular persons in your dream all represent a measure of control that you have had to struggle to maintain.

Maybe a definite act in prayer, of giving all these areas of control over to God (which is in essence not just YOU letting go, but it is also taking it out of other people’s hands)…will bring a sense of relief. If God is in control, you have nothing to fear. But know that He is not a God who demands or enforces control. That would mess with our free will. But when we offer it up to Him, we can then let go and experience the resultant peace.”

I may be way off base, but these were my thoughts.

One Thing I know for Sure

Just as the seasons, everyone has to change, or they die. Change is God’s way for us to grow. Stay fertile for the changes. A mind was meant to think, and question and figure things out. Not to go over and over the same things and never get outside the box of your life. God is outside the box.

We are between the covers of a book. The story of our changing lives. God can open that book and see the end from the beginning. To whatever degree our free will is not compromised, He wrote the entire story. It is our job to discover the plot, day-by-day, mile-by-mile, year-by-year. Life cannot be lived flat on a page. It requires a willingness to step out. To follow the path. To enjoy the hills, and the valleys. And to arrive at our final destination.

Recently, I thought of the line from Psalm 23 that states that though we walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, God is always with us. And I realized that all of life takes place in that Valley of the Shadow of Death. From the moment of birth, we are doing all we can to live. To fight disease and danger. To stay strong. To dodge the shadow of death. To complete the journey. It is only oppressive when we focus on the Shadow and forget Who is walking through with us.

Our finite minds cannot grasp what it means to be outside “time”. Einstein proved that when you go faster than the speed of light, there is no time. There is only “now”. I can’t get a handle on that. But I accept it as a proven fact. That says to me, that God, Who is outside this “time capsule” lives in the eternal now. God called Himself, “I AM.” God does not change.

But God’s ways DO change. He changed in his dealings with people throughout the Bible, the Old and New Testaments, and throughout history. Constant, progressive change is built into the universe and even our individual lives. We resist at the cost of true living.

External change in our lifetime has occurred so rapidly that at times it seems overwhelming. To refuse to adapt, closes a door in life and it becomes a setback. But this is external.

The more seriously changing landscape is that of our minds. Our souls. Our understanding.

Climb, or die.
Grow, or be left behind.
Expand, or be isolated.

The external universe is expanding. So must the internal.

Intellectual, spiritual, and emotional flexibility is the hallmark of health. Unless we change, we stagnate.

“Just as the seasons, everyone has to change, or they die. Change is God’s way for us to grow.”

We can be guaranteed of one thing: however comfortable we seem to be in this season of life, it is going to change.

I don’t like to think about that. I hate change.

I have always tried to imagine what it would have been like to grow up in a small town in the Midwest; know most everyone in the community; live there my whole life and grow old enjoying my rocking chair on a Victorian front porch.

I have never been adventurous. Not on the outside.

But in fact, I have lived only in large cities from the east coast (Baltimore/Daytona Beach) to the west (Los Angeles) with my roots still clinging tenaciously to Louisville.

And my “insides”…interior thoughts…have traveled the world and back. Geographically and philosophically. It seems as though my thirst for knowledge and understanding has only recently peaked.

I told someone recently that I so very much wish I could extend my lifetime – not because I want to live so much longer, but because… there is so much more to learn.

I want to grow, - ‘til I go.

I have a feeling - this is going to involve some change.

What It's All About

After posting my entry yesterday, bb entered this comment: “Listening to the young Amish women say what I hear all the time, about their time to go, I have trouble with that. I cannot believe a loving God has a horrible end in store for children. Be it cancer or murder.I wish someone could explain that to me.”

This is, of course, one of the perplexities of life. If we knew everything that is in the mind of God and fully understood Him, we would BE God. But I would like to write what I understand to be Biblically true about this issue.

This outlook, "It was their time to go..." etc. is a fatalistic outlook for people who do not consider themselves "believers", and for those who do, it is a belief that God is totally and constantly sovereign. I am in neither of these camps. I do believe in the sovereignty of God. But not in this sense. Here are my beliefs in regard to this.

God knows the end from the beginning. He is not taken by surprise. And in many ways He prepares us for these things. But we are in a world where He has given man "free will". And since Adam, sin and death and grief have entered the world. People "make choices." God did not make the choice for this to happen. But God IS a just and loving God. He will bring grace (obviously has), comfort, solace and healing to these people. Jesus said: "In this world, you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer. I have overcome the world."

If God had “planned or willed” this to happen, these people would need to forgive God, not the man. But HE is the one who chose to do this horrible act. When we speak of “man’s free will” we are not only speaking of his freedom to be and do and live in certain ways as a being on this planet. That “free will” gives people the ability to choose good or evil. God does not choose or ordain evil. But for this “season” we are in, he will not prevent it from taking place, when someone chooses it.

There will come a day when all this will be different, and in THIS, God IS totally sovereign. He is sovereinly in charge of the “outcome of the story”. HIStory… but that is another subject.

But for now, this is a big part of what our lives are all about. To choose good and not evil in our daily lives. To understand the difference. And to do whatever we can to promote this in our world.

God once said to his people in the days of Moses: “This day I have set before you life and death. Now, therefore choose life, that both you and your children may live.”

In this horrible situation, someone else chose death. But that is NOT the end of the story. Remember? “…I have overcome the world!” (Jesus Christ)